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Posts Tagged ‘habits’

Week 7

3 more weeks until I see my sweets!  Wayne left for Haiti this week, and had a layover at LAX on the way.  It was only a short layover, but he ran all the way from his terminal, to the Radisson just to be able to say hi.  He ended up having to take a cab back to the airport to make sure he made it on time.  It was the best 20 minutes since my birthday weekend 🙂

Overall, this was an odd week.  Monday was memorial day so the staff gave us the afternoon off.  Everyone was ballistic! But, Tuesday came and we weren’t able to have afternoon class.  Bikram came to tell us that one of the trainees had called the Fire Department and that they needed to fix the heating and other building code violations before we were granted a permit to use the room again.  We did not have class again until Friday night at 7pm.  Because we missed so many classes, Bikram decided that we would have classes over the weekend (and for those who had a make-up class, would have to do 3). Lots of people did, and then some people did 3 classes voluntarily because it was an opportunity to test their limits. So for some, it was 6 classes in 48 hours!  I did the usual. 2 classes. That felt right.  I came down with a really bad bug on Friday- body aches, soreness, congestion, earache, sore throat, sweats- the works!  I saw the nurse but she did not excuse me from class.  She said that I was peeling back the layers.  Lots of people are peeling back layers right now because almost everyone is coughing, sneezing, dripping, oozing, fevering, aching, crying, whining, laughing, melting, freaking.  It’s good stuff.  So I attended class on Friday night, just a few steps away from my death bed.  I pretty much stood in one spot for the standing series, and laid on the floor during the floor series. Before I got sick, my roommate and I played in the pool.  Played!  We swam around and said dialogue while we were treading water, and then I told her to do a bunch of yoga poses underneath the water to see if she could stay under and not come up.  We tried to figure out which poses would look best underwater.  For no reason! We laughed so hard and it felt like were 11 years old.  It was so much fun.

Lectures were a bit odd for me this week, and I believe that I might be in the minority on this.

I have met some amazing people here.  Being social is sometimes a challenge for me, and one tool that I am really happy to take home with me, is learning to be present. It is very tough for me to fully engage in social activities, mostly because I don’t feel I ever have the energy to do it.  I have the energy to think about doing it, and I always really want to, but it is very draining, so I find it hard to commit to plans because I worry that I will feel anxiety from needing to recharge, not talk, need space.  I truly love people, but it is very hard for me to be around people. I often have to rest up for big outings (an afternoon at the beach with a friend, or going out to dinner with friends), or I get really drained and have to rest a lot afterward. For this reason, I shy away from plans or don’t commit to plans.  It is hard to keep strong friendships this way. Part of what I have learned about myself is that I think too much about the future, and how I imagine I will feel, or being able to establish boundaries (e.g. I am having fun, but it’s time for me to go).   I am trying to be present. In the moment. Not imagine how much energy it will take me to do what I’m doing, but realize that the energy is there, so not to worry. And if I feel that it is not there anymore, then to do what I have to do to get it again.  If it is go home and be by myself, then that’s an easy solution.  If it is to stop talking, and be the listener, then I probably should have been doing more of that anyway.  Every moment requires a different action, and planning for all the various possible scenarios, is what’s draining.  I will try to do less of that.

Onto week 8! In two weeks I will be with my honey and my sister will be unpregnant! Yay!

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I’ve noticed a pattern.  Maybe living out of a 100 sq foot hotel room for 9 weeks with a roommate will do that.

In particular, I’ve noticed that these behaviors follow me wherever I go.

Exhibit A:

My clothing finds itself in organized piles around the room.  There is, actually, an organized system in place, where items are placed either in the drawers (clean), on the bed (already worn but will wear them again, probably today), or on the floor (good for one more use but also I just shoved everything off the bed because I’m going to sleep now and I know which items are pretty clean and will reorganize everything back onto the bed in the morning). I now realize that this particular habit is not a function of my living space, awkward furniture arrangements, or lack space, but that I implement this same sort of system everywhere I go.  Anywhere that requires clothing, wearing of clothing, taking on and off of clothing, I will eventually designate separated piles of clothing articles based on their frequency of use, accordingly.  This has a funny way of playing out at home because Wayne and I have similar habits, but different systems.  His system goes something like, I’ll wear it until laundry day, and not put it back in the drawers until its clean again, and then I’m not totally sure it will make it back into the drawers, I might just put it back on.  My way is a bit more systematic, so as a household, we’ve defaulted to my system and I organize his clothing piles accordingly.

Another pattern came to my attention only today when my roommate left for the weekend. Almost immediately, I started leaving my things about, and not cleaning up after myself!  I told myself, I’ll do it in a little bit 🙂  After practicing dialogue with my neighbor, Anna, down the hall, I returned to dishes in the sink, food out on the… dresser (ha!), and clothing all over the room. It hit me, I do the same thing at home while Wayne is working.  I slob up the apartment all day and clean up right before he comes home.  I think, in some way, it gives me a sense of accomplishment, to clean up after my own messes 🙂 Like adding an item to your to-do list that wasn’t there before, but you’ve done it, and it feels good to have items on your list that are crossed off.

Exhibit B:

  

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