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Archive for June, 2012

I am really going to miss all of these people.  Their faces have become so familiar to me, even if we haven’t had the chance to meet. This weekend was the Asana Championship so we did not have Friday night or Saturday class.  Because we had the weekend off, Wayne bought me a last minute ticket to come home for the weekend.  So I hopped on a plane at 6:30am on Saturday morning and spent the next 40 hours at home in Seattle. It was really, truly, an exercise on being present. No cleaning (hard for me not to do), no organizing, straightening, placing, replacing, fixing, doing, kaputzing, or kabitzing.  It was just me, my honey, and hot fudge sundaes from Molly Moos!

I was very excited to go home, but a part of me felt as though I would be missing a lot by going away over the last weekend. However, something unexpected happened. Leaving made me appreciate the bubble and I think it has given me the opportunity to completely appreciate my last week. I took a yoga class on Sunday with my sweets.  It was SO fun doing a class together (aside from the teacher training room where we were separated by 6 rows and about 200 other people). This time we got to be side-by-side and make faces at each other (yes, so present). Being away from the Radisson, and all my 400+ new friends, gave me a bit of perspective.  I actually felt a little homesick.

Here are a few of my thoughts from the outside:

  • Outside of the bubble, no one else really cares that you are in teacher training.
  • I will miss the people I haven’t even talked to yet. I will miss their faces everywhere I go.
  • The connection to the people here is very, very special. The world is little bit colder and you will use the focus and serenity you learned in here, out there.
  • The energy of 400 people from all over the world, from all different ages and backgrounds, practicing yoga together in one room, is a one of a kind experience. You will wish for this feeling you may not have even known you had, and I believe, you will search for it, as I will. This will likely be the thing thst brings me back to training year after year.
  • Hotel towels are a HUGE luxury.
  • Living 20 ft from the yoga room is an enormous convenience.
  • Spilling water all over you and your mat and the floor around you is frowned upon.
  • No one drinks water as much as you do, and you will feel a little weird about killing 64 oz of water by the floor series.
  • Be prepared: You will push yourself a little bit harder because you are now a “Bikram Yoga Teacher Trainee graduate”, which will make your class unexpectedly harder. You will think the room is extremely hot, you will feel your heart beating harder than you think it should, you will wonder what you’ve been doing for 9 weeks, and you will question your abilities. You will look at Deborah next to you who is not breaking a sweat and then come to the conclusion that you must be pushing yourself harder and that is why your towel is completely soaked after Half Moon. You will then realize that you have to wash your own towel. You will then realize that you will have to wash 7 towels a week. You consider renting towels from the studio from now on. You refocus on Awkward pose and wonder how you are going to get through class. Is it extra hot in here? You wish for the bubble. You wish for the hottest class, the coolest class, the longest class. You wish for Emmy! You (ah hem) miss Bikram! You want to go back to the bubble. People understand you there.
  • Out of the yoga room, you have a lot more energy than the people around you. It’s a little annoying that you’re not ready for bed. Ever.
  • You require less sleep and return home eating weird things. Your sister will suggest that you cut back on your pints of ice cream. You ate one pint in two days. She doesn’t know you can eat one pint in 3 minutes.

In the bubble, yoga class is the only time to be alone. With 400+ people next to you, mat-to-mat, this time becomes the only time you are suppose to be doing nothing. Not dialogue, not taking notes, not crying, laughing, high-fiving, clapping. It becomes really easy to be alone. At first that was really hard to deal with. After 8 weeks, you feel like it is the most peaceful alone time you have ever had. And Savasanas feel like the best nap you have ever taken.

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Week 7

3 more weeks until I see my sweets!  Wayne left for Haiti this week, and had a layover at LAX on the way.  It was only a short layover, but he ran all the way from his terminal, to the Radisson just to be able to say hi.  He ended up having to take a cab back to the airport to make sure he made it on time.  It was the best 20 minutes since my birthday weekend 🙂

Overall, this was an odd week.  Monday was memorial day so the staff gave us the afternoon off.  Everyone was ballistic! But, Tuesday came and we weren’t able to have afternoon class.  Bikram came to tell us that one of the trainees had called the Fire Department and that they needed to fix the heating and other building code violations before we were granted a permit to use the room again.  We did not have class again until Friday night at 7pm.  Because we missed so many classes, Bikram decided that we would have classes over the weekend (and for those who had a make-up class, would have to do 3). Lots of people did, and then some people did 3 classes voluntarily because it was an opportunity to test their limits. So for some, it was 6 classes in 48 hours!  I did the usual. 2 classes. That felt right.  I came down with a really bad bug on Friday- body aches, soreness, congestion, earache, sore throat, sweats- the works!  I saw the nurse but she did not excuse me from class.  She said that I was peeling back the layers.  Lots of people are peeling back layers right now because almost everyone is coughing, sneezing, dripping, oozing, fevering, aching, crying, whining, laughing, melting, freaking.  It’s good stuff.  So I attended class on Friday night, just a few steps away from my death bed.  I pretty much stood in one spot for the standing series, and laid on the floor during the floor series. Before I got sick, my roommate and I played in the pool.  Played!  We swam around and said dialogue while we were treading water, and then I told her to do a bunch of yoga poses underneath the water to see if she could stay under and not come up.  We tried to figure out which poses would look best underwater.  For no reason! We laughed so hard and it felt like were 11 years old.  It was so much fun.

Lectures were a bit odd for me this week, and I believe that I might be in the minority on this.

I have met some amazing people here.  Being social is sometimes a challenge for me, and one tool that I am really happy to take home with me, is learning to be present. It is very tough for me to fully engage in social activities, mostly because I don’t feel I ever have the energy to do it.  I have the energy to think about doing it, and I always really want to, but it is very draining, so I find it hard to commit to plans because I worry that I will feel anxiety from needing to recharge, not talk, need space.  I truly love people, but it is very hard for me to be around people. I often have to rest up for big outings (an afternoon at the beach with a friend, or going out to dinner with friends), or I get really drained and have to rest a lot afterward. For this reason, I shy away from plans or don’t commit to plans.  It is hard to keep strong friendships this way. Part of what I have learned about myself is that I think too much about the future, and how I imagine I will feel, or being able to establish boundaries (e.g. I am having fun, but it’s time for me to go).   I am trying to be present. In the moment. Not imagine how much energy it will take me to do what I’m doing, but realize that the energy is there, so not to worry. And if I feel that it is not there anymore, then to do what I have to do to get it again.  If it is go home and be by myself, then that’s an easy solution.  If it is to stop talking, and be the listener, then I probably should have been doing more of that anyway.  Every moment requires a different action, and planning for all the various possible scenarios, is what’s draining.  I will try to do less of that.

Onto week 8! In two weeks I will be with my honey and my sister will be unpregnant! Yay!

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